Enhancing your communication skills

How to Talk the Talk

Communication is usually taken for granted -- that is, until it breaks down. Why didn't my teacher get my point? How can I get my counselor to understand what I'm saying? Why does every discussion with my mom turn into an argument?

Good communication skills help you express your ideas clearly, learn from other people, and resolve any conflicts. Most of these skills you'll pick up with life experience. Here are a few tips for improving your communication skills:

Be Clear

Make sure you understand what you want to say before you start.
Explain the context of your point so your listener clearly understands why you're talking to them -- Are you asking for a favor? Are you trying to tell an important fact? Do you want to know something?
Use simple words and language to express your point.

Stay Positive

Phrase your ideas and suggestions in a positive, rather than critical way.
Be confident. Don't assume that what you have to say isn't worthwhile.
Keep in mind, a listener's silence doesn't necessarily mean consent or disapproval. It may just mean that the person needs to think about a response before answering.

Listen Actively

Make sure you understand what the other person is trying to say. Try paraphrasing someone's point -- "So, what you're saying is..." -- and see if you got it.

Don't get so preoccupied planning what you'll say next that you don't pay attention.

Keep an open mind. Be flexible about compromises and alternate solutions.

Make sure you understand someone's point before you react. Speak with self-control -- don't just say the first response that comes to mind.

Learn from Experience

Review situations in which you had to communicate with different people, such as a friend, parent, or a study group. Ask yourself:

How did I handle the situation?
Was I able to make my point understood?
Did the discussion have a positive outcome? If not, why?
What could I have done differently?

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

by Dorene Lehavi

1) Listen without judgment. The key to good communication is listening well. Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was said.

2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the option.

3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond.

4) Do not be invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.

5) If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. We all are subject to distraction. Try to stay focused.

6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct.

7) Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in other people.

Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful and sincere.

9) Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray.

10) Have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean. Don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any committments you make.

Good listening skills take practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication issues with your boss, colleagues, subordinates, partners or personal relationships.

tnx tl